Without A Trace
by LittleBitOfDean
Summary: Dean was eleven when he was taken, John had searched everywhere for his son but was slowly beginning to lose hope after five years of him missing without a trace. But one night three men led John to a boy who he believes to be his son but the boy has no memory of his family or life before his kidnapping, but this doesn't stop John from believing. - Warnings inside!
1. Chapter 1

**Summary :-**

Dean was eleven when he was taken, John had searched everywhere for his son but was slowly beginning to lose hope after five years of him missing without a trace. But one night three men led John to a boy who he believes to be his son but the boy has no memory of his family or life before his kidnapping, but this doesn't stop John from believing.

 **Warnings: Graphic descriptions of violence, Rape/Non-con, underage, kidnapping, memory loss, hurt Dean, out of character Dean, rape aftermath, rape recovery, hurt/comfort, angst, and PTSD**

Ever since Mary had died, John had made sure his boys knew of the monsters in the world, of the demons, ghost, vampires, and anything supernatural. He made sure his boys knew how to fight and take on these hideous creatures, so much so that he had forgotten to warn his boys of the monsters that were human, the ones that murder for the hell of it and prey on the innocent, it was one mistake that John had regretted every since the day his eldest boy had been kidnapped by one of those human monsters.

Dean had been eleven at the time, it had been nearing his twelfth birthday when it happened. It had been a normal day, Sam and Dean had woken up to go to school and John had been working on a case. It had been about two hours after school had ended when he got the call from Sam that Dean hadn't been there to pick him up after school and that he was nowhere to be found at the motel they were staying at. John knew that was unlike Dean, yeah the boy was stubborn and liked to be a little rebellious sometimes but when it came to Sammy, Dean didn't play around. He was protective of his brother and would never ditch him at school, so John knew something was wrong.

It had been a long night that night, John and Sam had frantically looked all over town for Dean, going to all they places they knew he liked or would most likely be at, but when they couldn't find him they decided it was time to file a missing persons report, but it didn't really do much good because they police couldn't find any leads on the kidnapping no matter how hard they tried, it was as if Dean vanished within thin air.

Then one night, about two months after Dean's kidnapping he had received a call is was from the police station asking him to come in to identify a body. John had been a wreck the whole way up there because he didn't know what he'd do if it was his boy, he couldn't lose another family member especially one of his children. Once John had gotten there he was lead to a cold bright room where a body laid beneath a white sheet, he could feel his heart pounding rapidly in his chest as the police pulled off the sheet only far enough for John to see his face and John let out a sigh of relief when he saw that the boy lying on the table wasn't his son but at the same time he had felt a ping of guilt because this was someones son lying here and h couldn't stop thinking about the fact it could have been Dean and still could be soon if he didn't hurry up and find him.

That call had taken place five years ago and still every night since that night he had sat by the phone awaiting another call but this time in hopes his boy was alive and found. But it never happened and John was beginning to lose faith that his son was still alive, but that didn't stop John for going out on his own and looking for him. Every demon he encountered he'd trap them and torture them for answers but it didn't do any good because each of them would claim they had nothing to do with the disappearance of his son and knew nothing about it. It pissed John off because he knew it had to be demons or some supernatural being because he refused to believe with how much training he had provided Dean throughout the years he'd let some human get the best of him.

Slowly he was becoming so unstable as the years drew on over the fact of losing his wife and then his eldest son and John couldn't bare the thought of losing Sam too. He didn't want Sam to go on cases with him, he didn't want him moving from state to state and living in sketchy motels alone while he worked on finding Dean so he had decided that it would be best to let Sam live with Bobby. That way Sam could stay in one school, make friends, get a better education, and John not having to worry about the sketchy locations he goes because Sam wouldn't be with him. Of course John went to visit as much as he could, but as the years went on and John's search for Dean had begun to take it's toll on him the visits became less and less because he couldn't face Sam, because nearly every visit consisted on Sam asking him questions and wondering if he was any closer to finding Dean, he couldn't bare the thought of having to tell him that his brother was most likely never coming home.

It was nearing the end of December now and Christmas was slowly creeping up, so John had decided he would soon set off to go visit Sam and Bobby since he had promised Sam he'd try to visit on Christmas and John really did want to keep his promise. It was six days before Christmas so he knew he had time to stop at the nearest bar for a couple of drinks before heading on his way to Bobby's.

The moment he had walked in, he was greeted with the festive decorations and he frowned remembering all the times he had missed Christmas when Dean was still around, remembering how Dean had tried so hard for them to have a good Christmas, that'd he'd find any kind of decorations he could and deck the motel room out, he felt a sting of guilt as he remembered calling Dean on most Christmas Eve's informing him that he wouldn't be making it. He wished he could go back in time and slap his past self for doing that to his children especially Dean, god knows all the crap he had pushed onto that boy at a young age and now regret was hitting him like a shovel to the face.

He soon sat down in an old warn out bar seat, he ordered himself a beer letting out an exhausted sigh.

"Long night?" The bartender questioned.

"You could say that." John hummed swallowing down a mouthful of beer, not really feeling like talking. He just wanted to knock a few back and try to relax before leaving to see Sam.

The bartender said nothing more as he walked off to continue attending to the other costumers and John was grateful, after a couple of beers he had decided to get up and play a game of pool with the three obnoxiously loud men who were already playing a game, it was something to help him keep his mind off everything plus it always felt great hustling people out of their money. "Mind if I play with you fellas?"

"Got money?" One of the scruffy men asked.

"Of course." John chuckled pulling out a wad of cash and placing it on the table, he soon grabbed a pool cue and the game begun.

It was an easy win, the three men he was playing against were to drunk to even focus on the game. About half an hour later John had come out six hundred dollars ahead, he was about to play another round because hustling these guys was fun but the guy who's name he learned was James spoke, "I should really get going."

"Can't you stay for one more round?" Caleb questioned.

"Nah the kid's waitin' for me, probably needs to be let out to piss by now."

John frowned at that, he said 'kid' didn't he? Then why did it sound so much like he was talking about a dog.

"He can wait… Let's play another round." Caleb insisted.

"Nah I should really get goin'"

"Hows about you let us play with him again, hmm?" This time it was Devin's turn to speak up and Caleb quickly agreed, John just stood there trying to grasp what these fuckers were talking about and if they were really talking about what John thinks their talking about.

"I miss the little cock sucker, miss the way his tight ass feels on my cock" Caleb hummed.

"We're willing to pay, so what do ya say?" Devin urged and James had finally agreed all three to drunk to realize they were in a public place talking about this shit, soon the three of them put down their cue's. "You coming to John?" Devin asked and John had quickly agreed before he could think about what he was doing, all he knew is there was some kid in this guys house that needed help and John was going to try his best to help him.

John had ended up suggesting he'd drive the four of them since the others had been to drunk to even unlock their car doors, he followed the directions James gave him as he tried his best to ignore the men talking about what they were going to do to this kid once they got there. The had soon arrived at their location, John was quickly growing uneasy as they stepped into the house and followed James down to the basement, waiting for James to fumble with the keys for what felt like forever before unlocking and opening the door. Once they had gotten down there John was hit with the smell of blood, sex, and urine. He had to stop himself from throwing up the smells were so strong, he didn't know how anybody could live like this.

Once they had fully reached the bottom of the stairs, John looked around the dim room and spotted a dirty mattress lying on the ground and on that mattress laid a young boy who looked terrified at the sight of the four men. "I'm home baby boy and I brought some friends with me to play." James cooed to the boy, John heart was pounding as he couldn't see the boys face all that well in the dimmed lights but he could tell the boy was shaking as James ordered him to get up. But the boy stayed laying on the mattress, just by the heavy breathing you could the child was on the verge of tears. "I said up on your feet!" James demanded more sternly this time and when the kid still refused to get up James grabbed a fistful of his air and dragging him off the mattress.

"NO NO PLEASE! LET ME GO! STOP PLEASE!" The child begun kicking and screaming, trying to pry James' hands off his hair.

"You know it's rude to keep your guest waiting, now be a good boy and stop fighting!" But the kid didn't let up, his kicks and screams worsened only to have James take his free hand and punch the boy square in the face and yet still manage to keep him up by his hair. He roughly grabbed his chin forcing the now sobbing boy to look at him, "you will do as you're told do you understand me?" There was a pause as James waited for the kid to answer, but he just hung by the roots of his hair sobbing and James had backhanded the boy "Do you understand?!" He repeated making the boy let out a shaky "yes sir!" In fear of being hit once more.

"Keep him like that James, he's at the perfect height right now to put those pretty little lips to work." Devin said.

"Please… P-please…" The kids voice broke as he was dragged as far as the chain on his ankle would let him go, John swallowed the lump in his throat especially when he saw what happened next.

"Come on whore, you know what to do…" James let go of the boy's hair and pushed him forward making him fall onto his knees with a hiss of pain, Devin was the first to step forward smirking down at the young boy as he undone his jeans making John burn with rage because what kind of sick fucks would do this to a child. He had quickly grabbed the gun he kept hidden in the back of his jeans and without hesitation he had shot both Devin and Caleb in the back of the head, feeling guilty as he heard the boy scream and move to cower back on the mattress. "You, up against the damn wall and do not fucking move!" John yelled as he waited until James was against the wall before making his way toward the kid.

"Are you a cop?!" James asked and John ignored him looking at the boy who was huddled in the corner of the mattress, his hands balled into fists at the hem of his long shirt and John could tell he was trying to pull it down to cover himself more and that's when he realized the kid was wearing nothing but a t-shirt.

"You okay kid?" John questioned as he bent down to check up on the boy but the boy tried move away not wanting to be anywhere near the man and John completely understood.

"I'm going to get you out of here okay? No ones going to hurt you anymore, can you tell me your name?" But he still didn't get a response so he had gently raised a hand and grabbed under the chin of the boys face, trying to ignore how badly he had flinched and brought it up so he could get a better look of him, at first glance he could see the boy was bleeding pretty badly from being punched in the face, blood was trickling down his nose and his lip was split and John could have sworn his heart stopped as he was fully able to see his face, there was no mistaking it that this was his son. "Dean…" He gasped and just by the expression on his face John knew he had gotten it right.

"Please don't hurt me mister. I'll do whatever you want… Just please don't hurt me." Dean pleaded with tears running down his face.

"I'm not going to hurt you kiddo… But I need you to close your eyes for me and I need you not to open them until I say so, okay?" John said not wanting Dean to see what he was about to do and Dean as scared as he was listened. With that John had stood up making his way over to the intoxicated man, "He's Dean Winchester isn't he? The boy who went missing five years ago?" John asked even though he practically knew, he just needed it confirmed. James had nodded, "So you're the bastard that took my boy away from me, that caused my family so much pain!" He yelled and without hesitation John had knocked James' head against the basement wall before throwing him to the ground, in those next moments John had found himself blacking out with pure rage and by the time he had come back to himself he was covered in blood and lying on top of James bloody, battered and dead body.

Quickly John had got up and rushed back over to Dean, only to pick the lock to the chain around his ankle. "I'm going to get you out of here, someplace safe." John promised as he gently pulled Dean up to lead him out the basement, but was stopped with Dean pleading for him to wait. John stopped looking down at the frightened kid, "Please… Please mister can I get my notebook…" Dean questioned as he had a feeling that they were never coming back here, especially now that James was dead. "Where's it at?" John asked and Dean pointed to his mattress and John had went over grabbing the notebook that laid beneath the pillow.

Soon he had lead them both outside into his car, gently laying Dean in the back seat and he had covered the boy with his coat because he knew the thin t-shirt wasn't doing much to keep him warm, especially in the December whether.

John had headed off down the road, trying to stop himself from shaking. Every once in a while he'd find himself looking back at the boy who was now curled under the large coat staring back up at John, he looked horrible; his nose was bleeding, his lip was split and his face was swollen pretty badly from how hard James had hit him earlier. He just couldn't believe he had found his son but at the same time he wanted to throw up just at the thought of what his son had gone through these past five years and he couldn't help but thank whatever miracle that had put him in the right place at the right time to help him find his son.

John had begun his long journey to Bobby's because he didn't want to risk stopping, he needed to get Dean someplace safe and warm and Bobby's was the best place. It had taken them about three hours to get there, by the time they got there Dean had fallen asleep not able to keep his eyes open anymore because he was exhausted. Once they where they he had gotten Dean out of the car trying his best not to wake him and since he had a key to the house he unlocked the door and walked inside, not wanting to wake Sammy up with knocking. He had soon laid Dean down on the sofa, covered him up with the blanket on the back of the sofa and quickly headed upstairs to Bobby's room.

"Bobby… Bobby hey Singer wake your ass up." Bobby had quickly rose up holding the gun he kept under his pillow ready to shoot the intruder in his room but stopped as his realized it was only John.

"What the hell ya doin' idjit? Are you just wanting me to blow your damn head off, sneaking up on me when I'm asleep like that." Bobby mumbled under his breath. "What do you want Winchester?"

"Come look for yourself." He said and walked out of the room, Bobby reluctantly followed him down to the living room and his eyes widened and he stepped forward trying to get a better look of the kid on his sofa.

"Who… is this…" Bobby didn't have any words.

"Yeah it's him, I found him." John said barely trusting his face to speak.

"Oh my… Oh Dean…" Bobby frowned as he saw how battered the boy was and he looked back up at John. "What happened to him? Where did you find him?" That was when John had told him everything, from the bar to when he found Dean and even about the abuse he had witnessed and once he finished he could have sworn Bobby was holding back tears.

"Well I'm glad those bastards are dead… but as for him we should probably wake him up and get him cleaned up, especially before Sam wakes up." He said and John agreed because the boy looked and smelled as though he hadn't had a proper bath in months. John bent down and gently shook Dean awake, "Hey Dean, it's time to wake up kiddo." He said watching the boy stir with a quiet whimper. "But we need to check you over and make sure you're okay."

Dean rose up and scooted further into the corner of the sofa, trying to get as far as he could away from these men. "Come on, let's go get you a bath and then check those wounds of yours." John said motioning for Dean to get up, but he didn't move he stayed curled up trying to keep his distance from the men and before either John or Bobby knew what hit them Dean had gotten up, pushed past them and headed for the front door. But he didn't make it to far when John had quickly ran after him, grabbing him gently by the wrist and pulled him back.

"NO LET ME GO! LET ME GO!" Dean screamed thrashing around in John's hold, he tried to kick and hit at him, wanting desperately to be let go but John was way stronger then Dean. "DON'T TOUCH ME YOU PERVERT!" And with that Dean had spat in his face, he had to try his best to stay calm so he wouldn't frighten him further because he wanted Dean to know he was safe here.

"Calm down kid, no ones going to hurt you here but you need to calm down alright?" John said trying to quieten the boy before he woke up Sammy, then that's when John started wondering why Dean was acting as if he didn't know them because five years wouldn't be long enough to forget your family especially since Dean was eleven at the time. "Dean… Do you know who we are?" Dean shook his head. "Do you remember Sammy? Or how you had ended up with James? Or anytime before James?" He asked and Dean once again shook his head no to all three of the questions.

John turned his attention toward Bobby who was expressing the same amount of concern, "W-why am I here? What do you want from me?" Dean spoke softly as if he was fearing the answer, so softly John had barely heard it.

"Dean I'm your father, you're here because this is where you belong."

"Not true… My family doesn't want me, I was bad and so they got rid of me…"

"Did James tell you that? Because if so he's a damn liar!" John sighed wanting to kill the bastard all over again.

"James said my family didn't want me so they gave me to him." Dean said before Bobby walked over trying to reassure the boy that no one here was out to harm him in anyway.

"How about we talk more later? Right now we should get you in the bath and then fed, you look like you're starving." Bobby said before turning his attention to John. "I'll go get him some clothes to wear and then start on breakfast and you go help him prepare a bath." He instructed before heading off to Sammy's room to find something that would fit Dean because even though he was sixteen, he looked way smaller then most sixteen year olds from being underfed all those years.

John soon led Dean up to the bathroom, still having his wrist in a grip because he didn't want the child to try running again and once they reached the bathroom he shut the door behind them and locked it so Dean wouldn't bolt while he prepared the bath. "W-why did… did you lock the door mister?" Dean asked as he distanced himself from John.

"Safety reasons." Was all he said as he turned his attention back to the water that was filling up the tub, "usually I'd suggest taking a shower but I think you should soak some of those wounds before we patch them up, towels are right there, wash cloth is over there, and the soap is here." He said showing Dean where everything is. "Now don't be afraid to call if you need something and take as long as you need." With that John had left the bathroom, not really wanting to leave him alone but he knew that there were no windows or anything he could climb out of and he would defiantly be on the look out to make sure he didn't make a run for it.

Soon he had left to find Booby who had just finished gathering up some clothes that looked like they could fit the boy, he had left them outside the bathroom door letting Dean know before walking off to cook breakfast with John following behind him. "Why wouldn't he remember us? I mean is it possible for him to forget us over the past five years?" John asked breaking the silence.

"I don't know… Maybe it is? Maybe James did something to the boy to make him forget? Whatever it is we'll figure it out and help him through this." Bobby said trying to calm John down, he could tell the man was getting pissed by the way he was pacing back and forth.

"I just don't understand it… And the way he was scared of us… I wish I could kill that bastard all over again, take his damn neck and snapping it…" John said frustrated as the images flashed in his head again of what had unfolded down in that basement, what those men had done to his son. "God I can't imagine what he's gone through all these years, just seeing what those men did and what they were about to make him do-" Bobby cut him off with a hand to the shoulder.

"I know it's hard John, but he's back… he's home and that's all that matters right now, I know it's horrible what they did but right now we can't focus on the past, we must focus on getting Dean settled in and helping him through all of this, alright? It's the best way we can move forward." He said before turning back to the food he was preparing, "you should probably go check on him and while you're at it wake Sam up for breakfast."

John headed off back upstairs to see Dean exit the bathroom looking a lot better then when he had entered, John just wished you could wash away bruises and cuts because the boy still looked beat to hell and back and the clothes he had on were a bit baggy on him which made John frown more at the sight because those were Sam clothes, Sam was supposed to be the younger brother which meant being smaller then Dean but Dean was way smaller then Sammy. "Let's see what we need to clean up and bandage."

John pulled Dean back into the bathroom and sat him down on the closed toilet seat, before pulling out the first aid kit, "Can you tell me where it hurts the most?" John asked and watched Dean squirm on the toilet seat.

"A lot of places mister… but mainly my back and-" The teen stopped and turned his head away embarrassed and John got the hint when the teen had motioned for his ass, John soon instructed the boy to take off his shirt so he could have a look at his back. The sight he had saw the minute Dean turned around now shirtless, made John want to puke. There were welts and cuts all over his back, some were fresh and irritated and some were old and infected, he didn't know where he should begin or how he was going to clean these without hurting the teen further.

"This might hurt a bit, but I promise that after a while it'll start to feel better." John warned trying to ignore the way Dean tensed at his words as he soon began to disinfect the cuts on his back, he tried to be as gentle as possible apologizing every time Dean would hiss in pain and gently move him back toward him each time Dean would try and scoot away. "I'm almost done, I promise." Dean just nodded in response as he held onto the sink counter, trying his best to stay where John put him and once John had finished he had bandaged up the boys back pretty good. "I'm going to have to clean them again later, but they should be good for now." He said as he attended to the scrapes on Dean's knees from where James had roughly pushed him earlier in the basement.

After about forty minutes he had attended to everything he physically could, "I know there's some places I didn't get because I physically can't but if they don't stop hurting after a few days, I'll go let a doctor check it out… Probably should have gotten a doctor to do all this as well but I know how much you hate hospitals… well use to anyways."

"I don't remember ever going to a hospital." Dean said and John gave him a saddened smile before motioning him up.

"I sorta figured that, but let's go get you something to eat." John said as he led the two out of the bathroom, he could already hear Sam downstairs in the kitchen with Bobby and he guessed Bobby had decided to wake him up since John had taken to long. Once they got down there Sam had looked up from his food not even paying attention to what Bobby was saying anymore as his eyes landed on Dean.

John knew Sam was a smart kid and that Bobby had probably already explained the whole situation to the kid, so he knew he had Sam and Bobby there to help him with the whole situation, he motioned for Dean to sit next to Sam as he had went over and sat across from the teen. "Is this really him dad?" Sam asked looking up at Dean who shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"Yeah it is Sammy and it's rude to stare, turn around and eat your food." John instructed.

"But how do you know? Bobby said he didn't remember anything, Dean was eleven when he had gone missing so five years isn't long enough for him to forget us especially at that age. So how do you know this is actually him and not some other kid who just so happens to be named Dean as well?" Sam said not fully believing it is Dean, of course he resembled him a bit with the dark blond hair, but his hair was down to his shoulders almost, probably from all those years of not being able to cut it and also his green eyes was a striking resemblance to his big brother but Sam still wasn't convinced because he didn't think Dean would ever forget them.

"Sam I know you're concerned but you need to let the adults handle this alright?" John said getting a huff from Sam.

"I'm just trying to be sure, I want Dean back as much as you but you can't just believe any boy that looks a little like him, is the real Dean we have to be sure." Sam said trying to reason with his father.

"Okay even if this isn't the real Dean, right now I'm going to need the both if ya to stop your bickering and eat. You two are father and son and need to stop arguing all the damn time, especially about this boy who's sitting right next to you. Now both of you drop the subject and stop being disrespectful and eat because weather he's the real Dean or not, we still have him in our care and we're going to take care of him." Bobby said having enough of their fighting.

Both of them fell silent seeing Bobby had a point not to argue in front of Dean, the teen already seemed frightened enough. "Aren't you hungry?" John said once he realized Dean hasn't even touched his food.

"W-what do I-I have to do for it?" Dean asked his voice so quiet John barely caught what he was asking.

"What? What do you mean?"

"I-I usually — I usually have to earn my f-food… So — so what do I have t-to do?" Dean said growing nervous, he could usually guess what James wanted before it happened but with these people he couldn't read them and he didn't know what their motives were. "I already owe you for the bath mister… Usually a bath is just a blow job with James… For food it's always different — so what do I have to do?" Dean asked his hands shaking and they were becoming sweaty, he tried to his best to not look at the two men across from him.

"God no— No— just fuck— NO!" John said disgusted earning a flinch from Dean. "Nothing Dean, you don't have to do anything for a bath or food… Do you understand, when you're hungry you eat, when you want a bath you take one. Now eat because I know you're hungry."

With that Dean had begun to eat, each bite of food was slow and hesitant as he didn't take his eyes off the two men because he didn't trust them. He knew this had to be a trap, they'll soon tell him that they were lying and of course he'd have to pay for the food. He finished his food at a slow pace, waiting till the men weren't looking and he slipped a biscuit into his pocket for later because he didn't know when the next time he'd be eating again. Soon after he had finished Bobby and Sam had gathered the plates and went to wash them up, John had motioned for him to follow him which Dean obliged and followed. He watched John grab the blanket and his notebook off the sofa and led Dean upstairs and as soon as he was lead into the bedroom, he had a feeling where this was leading too but before his thoughts could wonder even more John began to speak again. "You'll be sharing a room with Sammy for now, you can have the extra bed he doesn't use." John said as he made up the bed, throwing the blanket over it and putting Dean's book down on the nightstand.

"A-a bed? I can actually sleep on it?" Dean asked shocked because he couldn't remember ever sleeping in an actual bed before, he had a thin wore out mattress but it didn't look as comfortable as this bed. Dean placed his hand upon the bed, letting his fingers roam against the soft mattress before he hesitantly sat down. "Wow it's really soft mister, you sure I can sleep on it? I'll be fine sleeping on the floor." He said not wanting the be a bother.

"You will not, now you get some sleep and come get me if you need anything." John said as he closed the shades on the windows so the son wouldn't bother Dean as he slept, before leaving the room so Dean could get some rest because the boy truly needed it.


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry it took so long to update, I had writers block there for the longest but chapter 2 is here and I hope you guys enjoy it!

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That night after everybody had gone off to bed, except John because he needed to make sure Dean was okay and wasn't going to try and run off. During that time he tried to keep himself occupied not wanting to think about all his boy has gone through, it broke his heart to know that his child had gone through all that over the span of 5 years and he hadn't been able to do anything about it.

By the time morning came and Bobby was waking up, John had let him know that he was going back to the house that he had found Dean in because he needed to get rid of the bodies and do a slat and burn because he didn't need those bastards coming back in any form, also he wanted to see if he could find anything on how Dean had lost his memory. Bobby knowing he couldn't stop John once he had his mind set agreed to watch over the boys while he was gone. "Make sure to keep a real good eye on Dean, I'm afraid if he'd given the chance he might run off." John said before he left.

Bobby had cooked breakfast and went to wake the boy up, but once he entered the boys room he saw that they were already awake and Sam looked as if he was trying to calm Dean down from crying. "Hey what happened? What's wrong with 'em?" Bobby asked.

"It's nothing, we'll be down there in a few for breakfast." Sam said giving Bobby a look that indicated he'd tell him later, taking the hint he left the room making sure the boys knew if they needed him to not hesitate to let him know.

It had been about 40 minutes before Sam had come downstairs holding the covers off Dean's bed and Bobby was past worried, "Where's Dean? What happened up there?" He asked.

"He had woken up with a nightmare, he's in the shower because he had wet the bed… That's why he was crying, he was scared because of the nightmare and was afraid he was going to get punished because he had an accident. It took a while to convince him he wasn't in trouble and to take a shower." Sam said as he walked over to the laundry room and put the covers in the wash. "He doesn't want anyone to know so don't mention I told you."

"Got it. Well I'm proud of you for handling the situation like you did." He said motioning for Sam to sit down in eat.

"I'm trying my best to just wrap my mind around all of this, I'm trying my best to believe that this is Dean… at least our Dean."

"Like I said last night, even if this boy isn't your brother we're still going to take care of him because he has no one else."

"That's the thing, wouldn't he have family of his own looking for him if he isn't our Dean? Don't you think they'd like to have their child back as well?" Sam said.

"That's a good point but with him having no memory, it'll be impossible trying to find his family." Bobby pointed out.

It was another 10 minutes before Dean had come downstairs, wearing some of Sam's clothes and when Bobby motioned for him to sit and eat he quietly made his way over to sit close to Sam not daring to look up at the older man. "Sorry the foods cold, if you want me to I can heat it up for you?" Bobby suggested.

Dean didn't really say anything as he begun to eat, Bobby took that as his answer and let the boy eat in peace.

It was like that most the day, after breakfast Dean had just sat keeping to himself because he didn't know what he was supposed to be doing and he didn't want to do the wrong thing and get in trouble and Bobby could sense it. It just broke his heart to see how broken this boy was, he wanted to scoop the boy up and show him he had nothing to fear and that he was safe here but he didn't want to frighten him anymore than he already was.

Sam could sense it too so he tried lighting to mood by offering to show Dean around town, let him get use to the outside world again. Bobby was hesitant, really hesitant because he knew John wanted him to keep Dean in his sight at all times but he knew it would probably do Dean some good to get out and explore, to show him that he was truly free but also Dean was a flight risk. "I'm sorry but I can't let you. Not yet anyways your dad wants me to keep an eye on Dean at all times."

"Yeah but I'll be there to watch him. We won't go far, just around the block?" Sam insisted but Bobby still refused because he was trying to respect John's orders plus with Dean's state in mind right now, he knew it was a bad idea.

"How about you and Dean play in the backyard or in your room, that way I can keep an eye on ya both?" He suggested trying to make light of the situation. Sam sighed in frustration but didn't argue further, he decided to lead Dean up to their now shared room.

Dean without hesitation crawl onto his bed and curled into the corner of it, his arms wrapped tightly around his knees and staring at the door. "What's wrong?" Sam asked.

"W-we should have not asked to leave— should have not asked any questions… q-questions are always f-forbidden…. H-he's going to tell Mister and Mister is for sure going to p-punish us…" Dean said on the verge of tears, tightening his hold around his knees and burying his face into them as he begun to shake like a leaf.

"Hey no ones going to punish us… We're allowed to leave the house but right now we're staying inside because you need a little more time to adjust." Sam tried to explain. "Plus dad's really scared of losing you again, so Bobby was just trying to keep you safe." Sam hesitantly climbed into the bed, trying not to frighten the boy. "Hey, there's no need to cry. I promise Dean no one is going to punish you, I promise I'll never let anyone hurt you." He said saddened at the quiet sobs Dean made. "Pinky promise." Sam said holding out his pinky for Dean to take but Dean lifted his head, wiping his tears away with a confused look.

"A pinky promise is where we wrap our pinkies together to seal the promise, it means the promise can not be broken whatsoever." Sam tries to explain. "Here let me show you." He said reaching over and gently grabbing Dean's hand, reassuring him that he wasn't going to hurt him when he flinched away. Slowly he showed Dean how to pinky promise, "See now my promise is sealed and can never be broken." He said with a gentle smile that only grew wider when he saw Dean return the smile.

"What stops it from being broken?" Dean asked curiously.

"Dunno, you just got to put faith in the other person you made the promise with I guess." Sam said relieved Dean seemed to take that as an answer.

"How about we watch some TV? You used to love Scooby-Doo." Dean was confused by the statement but agreed to nonetheless, Sam quickly got up to turn on the television as Dean sat on the bed observing.

It was like that the whole day, Sam had decided since they couldn't go out he was going to show Dean a bunch of stuff they use to do before he went missing. Like watching television, the games they use to play, even some new ones — of course Sam had to show him how to play them but he didn't really mind because it seemed to help get Dean's mind off thing.

Dean had seemed to take a liking to Sam, he didn't do anything without Sam by his side that day. Sam didn't really mind, except Dean wanting to follow him into the bathroom because he didn't want to be alone. Sam had to reassure Dean most the day that no one was going to hurt him but even with pinky promises Dean didn't really seem to ease up any. By the end of the day both boys were growing tired, they had been playing games since after breakfast and they even missed lunch because they were too caught up in the game Zelda to eat. By the time Bobby was making dinner, Sam and Dean had settled down on the sofa with Sam reading a book and Dean just listening.

"You boys must be starving with the busy day you've had, dinners ready." Bobby called out, Sam quickly got up and raced to the kitchen with Dean following behind. "Yer dad called, he said he was on his way back." Bobby announced.

"Where did he even go?" Sam asked settling into his chair and Dean sitting right next to him.

"Just some stuff you don't need to worry 'bout."

"A hunt? I bet you it's a hunt, I knew it. He couldn't even wait one day to go back out there hunting, Dean's home now and he doesn't even care!" Sam said not letting it go.

"Sam that's enough, you know yer daddy would never do that. You know he cares 'bout you boys but there was something he had to do and it's not hunting."

"Then why can't you tell us?" He asked not convinced.

"Because you are a child and you don't need to know everything."

"I just wish he would have waited a little longer before going back out there." Sam sighed deciding to drop it, seeing as his father was on his way back or so Bobby says. He knew sometimes in the past John would call and say he was on his way only to call and cancel a few hours later.

After dinner Sam had got Dean and himself ready for bed, it took a frustrating amount of time to get Dean's bandages changed seeing as Dean had freaked out when Bobby tried to touch him.

"NO DON'T TOUCH ME!" Dean would kick and scream at Bobby, even manged to leave a long line of scratch marks down Bobby's face.

"I'm just trying to help ya boy, yer wounds are going to get infected if you don't let me change them." Bobby said as calm as he could.

"NO!" Dean was fully panicking now, tears streaming down his face as he was backed up in a corner. "I SAID DON'T TOUCH ME!" And with that he grabbed the hair dyer off the counter and threw it straight at Bobby's head making him stumble back. Dean took it as a chance to run but Sam had quickly intervened and grabbed a hold of Dean's arms.

"Shh Dean, look at me and take deep breaths. No one is going to hurt you, remember my pinky promise earlier? How I promised you that you were safe?" Dean nodded through sobs. "Okay, so you got to trust me. Look what if I change your bandages instead? Would that make you feel more comfortable?" Dean nodded again and looked up at Bobby who was bleeding from the scratch marks on his face and where the hair dyer hit.

"I don't want him in here, I don't want anybody in here but you…" Dean mumbled.

"Okay… That's fine… Bobby I'm sorry about this, but can you please leave so I can change his bandages?" Bobby without a word exited the bathroom seeing Sam had the situation under control.

Once Bobby was gone Sam begun to tend to Dean's wounds, cleaning them first before reapplying them. "That wasn't nice of you, Bobby was just trying to help and you really hurt him." Sam said in a scolding manner. Dean didn't answer, he just looked at the ground avoiding eye contact. "You're not in trouble Dean, you just have to know that violence isn't the answer."

"Why? Violence is always the answer when it comes to me." He said bitterly.

"Yeah well we're not like those men that took you, especially Bobby. He one of the nicest men you'll ever meet. He's help raise me and before you were taken, he helped raise you too." Sam sighed as he finished up the last bandage. "I want you to go downstairs and apologize to him for hurting him."

"I-I don't want too…"

"It doesn't matter, you really hurt him so you got to do the right thing and apologize." Sam said.

"H-he's just going to punish me… I-I just don't like being touched… Not b-by adults…"

"He won't I promise, I'll even be with you the whole time. So come on." He said as he stood up, grabbing Dean's hand gently as he lead him out of the bathroom and downstairs to where Bobby was attending to his own wounds. "Bobby, Dean has something he'd like to say." He said motioning for Dean to speak. But Dean just stood there staring at Bobby, he knew what he did was bad and he knew the man had every right to punish him for it. But he couldn't bring himself to apologize. "Go on Dean…" Sam urged once more.

"I-I'm sorry… I-I didn't mean to hurt you mister… I—" Dean was cut off by the mans gentle laugh, he was taken by surprise because he didn't understand why he had laughed.

"You don't have to apologize boy, I spooked ya and I'm sorry for that. I was just trying to help ya but I understand completely, you don't trust me yet." Bobby said giving the boy a warm smile. "But just know that none of us are going to hurt you and we're going to do everything in our power to show you that you can trust us."

"Just wait till you get to know us, you'll never want to leave us!" Sam said trying to lighten the mood, he watched Dean smile just the slightest and Sam called that a win for the night. "Alright lets head to bed, night Bobby."

"Night boys…" Bobby said as Sam lead them upstairs to their bed and putting fresh new blankets on Dean's bed since he forgot to earlier when Dean had his accident. Once it was ready Dean didn't hesitate to climb in, he loved his bed it was way better than a hard mattress on the floor. "If you need me, I'm just right over there and Bobby is just down the hall." Sam informed.

"Thanks." Dean said getting himself comfortable, laying down and pulling the blankets over him till his was completely wrapped up in them. "I really am sorry about—" Once again he was cut off but this time by Sam telling him he didn't have to apologize anymore.

"You're really nice… You remind me of someone I know… He was really nice too…"

"Oh yeah?" Sam said intrigued. "And who would that be?"

"Just a friend I use to know, no one important." Dean shrugged.

"He seems important, was he another boy who was take—" He stopped himself not being able to bring himself to finish that sentence, but Dean understood what he was asking.

"Yeah, he was there way before me… Well that's what he told me anyways. He use to tell me so many stories, I miss his stories."

"So what happened to him? Where is he now?"

Dean grew quiet after that, not really wanting to talk about it. "He grew up…" was all he said as he turned around, not wanting to go further into the conversation and Sam took the hint and dropped it.

"I want you to know if you ever need anyone to talk to I'm always here for you." And with that Sam turned off the light and climbed into bed himself.

"Thanks…" Dean mumbled as he drifted off into a restless sleep.

Once John had arrived at the house, it didn't take him long to salt and burn the bodies of the men in the basement. Once he had finished though, he started to search through the house of anything on his son. John had been disgusted of all the child porn he had found, he was disgusted with some of the toys and pictures he had found as well. It made him want to set the whole house on fire and not look back, but he kept looking through all the bedrooms, every little hidden area, he went through it all and when he had gotten up to the attic he had found boxes upon boxes and each box had a different boys name on it.

Slowly he had arrived upon Dean's name, hesitantly he grabbed for the box and opened it. Inside the box laid a bunch of tapes, each one labeled by the date they were filmed on and under the tapes laid a pair of old clothes that John recognized as the clothes Dean had been wearing the day he had gone missing. He remembered because the jacket that was in the box was Dean's favorite jacket and he didn't go anywhere without it, tears welled in the man's eyes as he held the jacket close to his chest. The words 'he was just a kid' left John's mouth repeatedly as he couldn't understand why this had happened to his child.

He wondered what Mary would say or do if she knew how he had failed their child, how he had let Dean be hurt for 5 years by a bunch of disgusting lowlife humans. "I'm so sorry." He said, his hands clenching the jacket tightly to him. He knew Dean was okay, he knew he was back home safe but that didn't stop him from feeling as though he had failed, it didn't stop the tears from streaming down his face when he thought of the pain his son had gone through for years.

He began packing the tapes and clothes back into the box, not being able to look at them any further but he couldn't bring himself to destroy them so he had decided to take the the box with him. He didn't know if he'd end up watching the tapes but for now his gut kept telling him to hold onto them, exiting the attic he had loaded his car up with the box before deciding to finish the job by burning down the house his son had been tortured in for years.

The last thing he had seen was the flames growing as he drove off, it easing his nerves some to know that those bastards were dead and the house was no longer there. He knew Dean would be pleased to know as well, especially now they could just focus on helping him heal and hopefully regain his memory.

When he was about an hour into the drive, he decided to stop and call Bobby to let him know he was on his way home and to check up on the boys. He was pleased to know both boy was getting along and that they were both in the house safe, John thanked Bobby before hanging up and began his drive back to Bobby's.

* * *

I know this chapter was a little short but I promise I'm going to try and make the next one longer, also the next chapter is going to go into a little bit more detail of Dean's past.

Constructive Criticism is always appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**Warning: This chapter does go a bit graphic but not too much plus a bit of swearing!**

* * *

John had made it back to Bobby's that night, deciding the first thing to do was check on the boys and once he seen they were fast asleep he headed back downstairs to where Bobby was. "Damn, what happen to you?" John asked as he seen the big swollen bruise on Bobby's face along with the nail marks.

"Dean freaked out when I tried to change his bandages, I tell ya that kid has a lot of fight in 'em."

"That he does, I'm just glad the fight hasn't left him after all those years."

"You and me both." Bobby sighed as he grabbed both him and John a beer. "So whatcha got there?" He asked motioning to the box John had sat on the table.

"Some tapes and clothes I found, it has Dean's name on it and the clothes Dean was wearing when he was taken."

"What are on the tapes?"

"Dunno, haven't watched them… don't really know if I should… or if I want too…" John sighed staring at the box. "I assume the worst is on them, I mean they were in that bastard attic and I'm not dumb so I know whatever is on them isn't going to be pretty."

"Maybe you'll get your answers though. What Dean's been through, how he lost his memory?" Bobby suggested. "But I understand you not wanting too."

"I know what he's been through, hell the day I found him, I saw just a small glimpse of what he's been through and it was enough for me to know these past 5 years have been hell for him…" He said finishing his beer and grabbing another as he needed something to calm his nerves.

"Well how 'bout we worry 'bout the tapes later? Right now we need to focus on what we're going to do 'bout Dean, I think he's going to need some kind of therapy. With everything that boys been through, I think it's going to be the best thing for him in the long run."

"Dean isn't gonna want to talk to no shrink."

"Maybe not but if we don't get him the help he needs, he could end up suffering more in life because of it or worse because there have been many cases where the abused become abusers later on in life because they didn't get the proper help they needed." Bobby tried to explain but by the look on John's face, he didn't seem too happy about the idea.

"I'll talk to Dean about it, once he settles in a bit more."

"Speaking of settling in, we need to go get him some clothes of his own. He can't keep wearin' Sam's, also we need to go get him a few other things like a toothbrush, shoes and anything else a teenage boy would need."

"Yeah, I know but if he did that to you for just trying to change his bandages then what do you think his reactions going to be when he's at a store having to try on clothes? Besides I feel like he's a flight risk right now, I don't feel safe letting him outside right now."

"You can't keep the boy locked up forever, he's going to have to go into the outside world at some point." Bobby explained.

"I know… I know but it doesn't have to be the second day he's home. How about I give you money and you and Sam go out and buy everything he needs. He fits in Sam's clothes, they're a little baggy so just go a size down…" John said not feeling comfortable with allowing Dean outside yet, he just got his boy back and he couldn't lose him again.

"That's another thing, Dean's grown a bit attached to Sam and I don't think he'd like separating from him anytime soon. Hell the boy followed Sam around like a puppy all day, he even followed him into the bathroom."

"Sam's going to go with you, that way I can have a little time to myself with Dean. I want to try and show him he can trust me as well, I want to see if I can get him to open up."

"Okay tomorrow morning I'll let Sam know, for now we need to get some rest." Bobby finally agreed, finishing his beer with a "Goodnight…" Before heading up the stairs to sleep.

That night John didn't sleep much, he found himself finishing one beer after another pacing back in forth in front of the box. It was killing him to know what was on these tapes, but at the same time he wanted to burn them and forget about them.

Around twelve in the morning he found himself standing in the doorway of Sam and Dean's room, watching both of his boys sleep as he felt empty inside. Even though he had his boy back home safe, it didn't really feel like he did. With Dean's memory gone and how traumatized the boy was, it didn't really feel like his son had come home it just feels like some stranger in his sons skin was there. He stood there for the longest, remembering how much he had taken Dean for granted before he was taken. Pushing Sam off on the boy as he hunted the thing that killed Mary, going hard on Dean's training and he hated himself for it because that really wasn't a life for a child and now Dean's childhood had been completely stolen from him.

Around one-thirty in the morning John found himself downstairs in front of the television with the first video tape in hands that was labeled 'January 18, 1990' it was the day Dean had gone missing. He just stared at it for the longest, his hands were shaking as he put in the tape and hesitantly pressed play as he made sure the volume was down enough to where he wouldn't wake anyone up because he didn't need Dean knowing he had these tapes.

 **January 18, 1990**

The first thing Dean saw when he awoke from his drug induced sleep was a man standing over him, he couldn't quite tell who that man was because his face was hidden behind a camera. "Oh good you're awake." The man announced happily. "I thought I might have drugged you a little too much, can't have you dying on me just yet." Dean still a little drugged up and groggy wasn't fully aware of the situation yet.

"Where am I?" He mumbled, his words running together making it to where you could barely understand what he was saying. "Sammy… Where's Sammy?" By this point he was fading back into unconsciousness and not really hearing the mans response.

He didn't know how long he had been out but by the time he had woken up the second time he was a little more aware, he realized he was wearing nothing but a long t-shirt and couldn't really remember if he had been wearing it the first time he had woken up. He also realized his leg was chained to the wall and that he was laying on some dirty beat up mattress that smelt like dried up blood and urine, he begun to freak out once he started comprehending the situation. His panic begun to stimulate once he heard the door open and footsteps coming down the steps, he tried his hardest to break his foot out of the chain and fight like his father had taught him but fear washed over him to the point he couldn't think straight.

"Where am I?" His words more clear this time, trying to mask the fear in his voice the best he could.

"Ah I'm so happy you're awake and seem more aware." The man said as he stepped fully down the stairs, making it to where Dean could see his face and his eyes widened when he realized it was his teacher James Miller and that when it hit him. He remembered being asked to help load some boxes into James' car, Dean agreed to help because he was taught to listen to your elders and when they had gotten outside he remembered being attacked from behind with something shoved over his mouth. It was the last thing he remembered before waking up here, his heart fell to the pit of his stomach. He had always had an uncomfortable feeling around James, the way he'd stare at him during class, the way he seemed to touch him every chance he got but he brushed it off, it wasn't like his dad was going to let them stay in this town long enough to care about the uncomfortable feeling he had around his teacher — or so he thought anyways.

"Answer my question you bastard! Where am I? AND WHY AM I HERE!?" He screamed at the man, his fear slowly turning into anger because he begun to think about his baby brother and how he was possible home by himself scared to death or worse still at school waiting for him to pick him up. "LET ME GO! I HAVE TO GET HOME!"

"Calm down now, you are home. For now on this is going to be your new home." James smirked bending down to Dean's eye level. "You're going to love it here, I have so many games we're going to play together that you'll never be bored."

"You don't understand! I have to get home to my brother. He's all alone and it's my job to look after him, you have to let me go because he needs me." Dean was full on panicking at the thought of anything happening to Sammy while he was gone and powerless to do anything.

"Why is it your job to take care of him? You're just a child yourself… What horrible parents you have, making a child raise his brother all by himself… Where are your folks at?" James said trying to convenience Dean he was on his side. "Well you should be thanking me, getting you out of that house child neglect is just horrible."

"It's not like that! My dad doesn't neglect us, he just works a lot…" Dean tried to defend.

"Hmm maybe I should go get your brother and we can all play games together. Would you like that?"

"NO! YOU STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM!" Dean screamed punching the man as hard as he could, trying to put all his fathers training to use but the man was way bigger then him and stronger too so it didn't really have an effect on him. He didn't really have time to think about what he had done before James backhanded him across the face, sending Dean backwards with the force. "Just let me go! I promise I won't tell anyone, just let me go!" He was tearing up by this point, he didn't want to be here with this man and it didn't seem like he was going to be let go anytime soon.

"You don't know how many times I heard that before, 'Let me go and I promise I won't tell anyone.' Bullshit but the minute I let you go, you're going to run straight to the police."

"No I won't, I promise!"

James just smiled wiping away the tears that fell gently on Dean's face, "You know I've liked a lot of boys before you, but you're different and I could tell the moment I laid eyes on you when you first entered my class, that I just had to have you." With that Dean's heart dropped because James had leaned in and kissed him, quickly he turned his head to break the kiss but his jaw was forcefully gripped and he forced to stay put as his mouth was invaded. By the time James had pulled away he felt like throwing up, "but before we get started I need to go over a few rules so make sure you listen carefully, because I will not be repeating myself." James said as he stood up, ignoring the boys desperate sobs. "Rule one: there will be no talking back so that means no talking unless spoken too, no questioning me because what I say goes period, and no loud noises — that includes crying—" James warned. "Rule two: You will be obedient and listen to everything I say, if you disobey me you will be punished accordingly." James said growing annoyed at the sobs coming from the boy. "Didn't I say no crying boy!"

But Dean couldn't stop as reality was sinking in, he was probably never going to see Sam again, never see his dad again, or even Bobby because as much as he had faith in his father, as much as he knew the man would never stop looking for him. He knew that there was no way for his father to know where he was, nobody had been around to witness the kidnapping seeing as James' car had been in the back of the school building and everybody had been in the front of the building leaving to go home. "I want to go home…" He managed between sobs gasping out as he was kicked in the stomach, he fell over in pain and wrapping his arms around it for further protection.

"This is your home now, so get use to it." James hissed as he sent another swift kick to the boy face, ignoring the loud scream that came from him as he gripped him up by the hair. "And lastly rule three: Any attempt at leaving or trying to escape will lead to death and believe me when I say this, it won't be quick or easy. You'll feel every agonizing moment of it." He said his face an inch away from Dean, so close to the point Dean could smell his awful breath. "Do you understand these rules boy?"

"Y-Yes…" Dean sobbed through the pain, his stomach, face, and head ached and his nose had blood streaming down it. Suddenly the boy was slammed back down back onto the mattress. "M-My dad… hes a hunter… He'll find you and kill you…." Dean managed out yelping out in pain as he was kicked once more.

"I don't care what your daddy is… You're mine now do you understand me? And now I'm just going to have to teach you how to follow rules, because you can't seem to follow rule one." He said unbuttoning his jeans and with no effort pushing them down, only to climb on top of the child and pinning him down to where he couldn't fight.

"No I-I'm sorry I'll stop crying I'll stop!" He cried out but he couldn't stop crying, he was in pain, scared, cold, and just wanted to go home. "DAD… DAD… DADDY PLEASE HELP ME!" Dean screamed just wanting his father to bust down the door, wanting him to come in and save him like he always did. Dean fought as hard as he could, he pushed, kicked, hit and even spit at the man hovering over him. But it only resulted in him being beaten to the point he was barely conscious, but James refused to let him fall unconscious through the whole ordeal.

 **Present day**

John had quickly shut off the video halfway through the brutal rape his son was forced to endure, not able to stomach it further. Tears streaked down his cheeks especially when hearing Dean's pleas for him to help, knowing he had let his son down that day and every other day he had been with that bastard. Quickly he took the video tape out and shoved it back into the box, being done for the night he had quickly hidden the box in Booby's closet where he knew the boys wouldn't look.

Looking at the time, he realized it was almost three o'clock and decided he needed to sleep but as he had laid down on the sofa he found it impossible as the imagines from the video had came back to haunt him. He had seen some messed up shit in his life before, real like monsters and ghosts but what he had just watched was worse than anything he had ever encountered. Soon it had been nearing four o'clock before John had finally passed out from exhaustion.

By the time John had woken up, it was ten in the morning Bobby and the boys had already finished breakfast and Bobby had been sitting in the living room reading. "Where are the boys?" John said raising up.

"Well good mornin' to you too…" Bobby greeted ignoring the fact John looked like shit and he could smell the the strong scent of alcohol on him.

"Just answer my question…" He said trying to ignore the massive hangover he had.

"They're upstairs." With that John stood up, making his way to the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. Bobby followed after him, "you watched the tapes, didn't you…" He said, looking over at the man slumped against the counter.

"I watched one… I couldn't even bring myself to finish it… What that bastard did to—"

"Hey, I know it's hard but you have to pull yourself together. Right now we can't focus on the past, we have to focus on now and helping Dean get better and by doing that you need to go upstairs, take a shower because you stink and get ready for your day with your son. Once you're outta the shower me and Sam will head out." Bobby said cutting him off because he knew John was just going to upset himself more. John nodded before heading out of the kitchen to go shower, it didn't take him but thirty minutes to shower and dress.

Once he exited the bathroom he saw Bobby and Sam were both dressed to go, John didn't hesitate handing over the money Bobby would need to buy everything. "We'll try to hurry back." Bobby said but John brushed it off.

"Take your time, we'll be here when you get back…" With that Sam told Dean bye, but before they could leave Dean was fully panicking.

"I-I want to go with S-Sam…" He said not letting go of Sam's arm, his eyes lingered on John as fear washed over him. He knew he shouldn't be talking back, he knew that made grown-ups angry but he didn't want to be left alone with an adult— adults scared him, adults hurt you and he didn't want to be hurt, he felt safe with Sam but Bobby and John not so much.

"Hey we're going to spend the day together kiddo, wouldn't you like that?" John said trying to calm Dean down.

"No… I-I want to go with Sam… Please don't go… please stay o-or let me go with you…" Dean was shaking and Sam could see the absolute fear in the boys eyes so he looked up at his dad to see what he wanted him to do. But he knew his father wanted to spend time with Dean alone, he could tell it by his facial expression.

"I'm sorry Dean, you have to stay here but I promise I'll be back before you know it. You and dad are going to be spending the day together, I promise you he won't hurt you… Remember pinky promise…" He said taking a hold of Dean hand, wrapping his pinky around his. "See you soon, okay?" He said as he turned and left with Bobby, not daring to look back because he didn't want to see the look on Dean's face knowing he wouldn't be able to bare it.

Dean turned around and looked at John, he was completely alone with this man and he didn't know what his intension's were. "You hungry or anything?" John asked trying to break the uncomfortable silence but Dean just shook his head. "Okay… well… ah, let's see…" He pondered trying to think of something they could do, he wanted to get Dean comfortable around him so he'd trust him but he just didn't know how because he wasn't good with this whole 'feelings' thing. "Well what do you want to do?"

"Go with Sam…" Dean said as if John didn't see that one coming.

"Sam and Bobby are going clothes shopping for you, it's a very boring task and you probably wouldn't even have that much fun anyways." John said but Dean just kept looking at the door longingly. "You're still as close to him as ever, before you were taken you would do anything for Sammy… Hell you raised him most the time because I was a shit father… Sammy adored you, always looked up to you and tried to be just like you for the longest. When you were taken, it effected all of us but the most one it effected was Sammy. He'd sit up every night and wait for you to come home, even slept in your bed up until the day we moved." John said looking back on the memories and frowned as he remembered not being able to calm Sam's crying down, not having any answers to the constant questions he was asked daily by the younger boy.

"I guess a brothers bond never dies, I bet you two are always going to be close." Dean just stood there listening to John, he didn't know what to say but he wished he could remember his life before James. "You know you saved Sammy's life when you were little?" John said interrupting Dean's thoughts.

"I did?" Dean said intrigued.

"Yeah, it was the night you mother died. There had been a fire and while I tried to save your mom, I had handed you Sammy who was only a few months old at the time and you ran outside saving your baby brother from that fire. He would have probably been dead if it wasn't for you." John said.

"How old was I?"

"You were only four but you were so brave that day, I'm sure you were scared as hell but you didn't let it show because you stayed strong for Sammy. Hell you always stayed strong for Sammy, you always took care of him and me."

"So I was like a hero, I've heard so many stories of so many hero's… I never thought I could have been one myself." Dean smiled at the thought.

"You might not be hungry, but I'm starving." John said motioning for Dean to follow him to the kitchen, once there he had gotten everything out to make a sandwich he turned around back to the counter only to realize Dean was just standing the awkwardly. "You can sit down and make yourself comfortable." He said with a sigh, knowing they had a lot to work to do. Hesitantly Dean sat down across from John watching him as he fixed his food.

"How do you know if I'm your son?" Dean asked not able to hold back the curiosity any longer. "I mean Sam had a good point, I don't have any memory of you guys plus you have no proof that I'm actually him so how do you know?"

"Well for one I know because I can feel it, the moment I looked at your face I could tell you were my son… Plus I do have proof, I found the clothes you were wearing the day you went missing in their house…" John said not daring to even mention the tapes. "You're my son Dean… Just take whatever James told you and forget about it, his rules do not apply here and everything he has told you is a lie." Dean didn't say anything else, hell he barely even looked at John anymore and he could tell he was deep into thought — what he'd give to be able to read this boys mind. "Come here, I wanna show you something." John said motioning Dean to follow him, leading him to the room he shares with Sam and going through Sam's closet pulling out a small shoe box. He sat down at the corner of one of the beds and patted for Dean to sit next to him, hesitantly Dean sat down looking at the box that was in the mans hands. "I know you don't remember us and the life you use to have before you were taken but maybe these will spark a memory." John hoped as he pulled out a handful of pictures. "Sammy's real protective over these, he doesn't like people touching them — now since you left anyways so be careful with them." He said as he passed over the pictures to Dean.

Dean didn't say anything as he stared down at the pictures, "this ones of you and your mother, it was a few months before Sammy was even born… and that one, that one is me, Sam, and you on Sam's second birthday." John said explaining the pictures as Dean shuffled through them. There were few pictures of Dean but many of Sam, because Dean insisted on taking pictures of his growing baby brother. "Here's Sammy on his first day of school, I remember that day like it was yesterday. He was so scared to go to school because you weren't going to be there but you calmed him down and now the kids crazy about school."

"He's grown up so much…" Dean said softly as he stared at the young Sam in the pictures. "I look different too… I have really short hair in these… I hate my long hair…" Dean said, remembering all the times his hair was yanked and pulled and how James loved to grip it and pull him up by it and Dean hated it because it hurt.

"You know if you hate your long hair, I can always cut it for you? I use to cut it when you were little." John suggested.

"I'd like that." Dean said watching John stand up and motion for him to follow him. "C-Can I umm… Can I keep these to look at?" He asked because he liked having something to look back on since he couldn't remember them.

"Of course, I'm sure Sammy won't mind either." John said as he lead them to the bathroom to cut the boys hair. It was pretty difficult though because Dean kept moving, trying to look every so often because he wanted to see what John was doing and John had to be patient with him even though it was frustrating as hell. About halfway through, John couldn't help but gag as he saw the back of Dean's neck which had a burn mark on it from what looked like a branding iron and he tried his best not to say anything about it or touch it because he didn't want to freak Dean out because the boy was actually calm right now and not freaking out. Taking a deep breath to calm the nausea he felt by looking at it as he focused on cutting the boys hair.

"Mister… Can I ask you something?" Dean said after a while.

"You know you can call me dad right?" John said but Dean didn't say anything or even acknowledge John words and he just sighed. "What do you want to ask me?"

There was a long pause as Dean gathered up the courage to speak. "W-Was there another b-boy there w-when you found me?" He said after a long silence.

"Huh?" John said confused.

"M-My… My friend h-he — they had taken him o-out of the basement n-not long before you found me — they… they just t-took him and h-he hadn't returned since." Dean fidgeted scared out of his mind to even ask the question, but he missed his friend and wanted to know if he was okay because he didn't want to believe that he was dead.

"No… No there was no one else there, I checked." John said and Dean didn't say much else, he could see the boy was saddened by his answer. "But if he is alive, I'll help you find him…"

"How will we know if he's alive?"

"We'll just have to hope he is and look anyways…" John said and with that he had finished up Dean's hair, it looking a lot better then that matted up long hair he had. Dean had quickly got up and looked at himself in the mirror, running his hands through his now short hair. "You like it?"

Dean just nodded with a soft "Thanks" under his breath.

"Who is this friend of yours? What does he look like? His name?" John asked trying to get the information he needed to begin his search.

"He's got dark brown hair, b-blue eyes, he's really tall and really brave and sweet…. H-His name is Jimmy Novak…"

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 **Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, just a warning there will be more chapters like this involving the tapes and about Dean's past that will be a bit graphic so just a heads up on that! I love all the reviews, thank you guys so much for reading and I'm glad you're enjoying it so far — Constructive criticism is always appreciated!**


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